Photo by Marcela Polo
Posted to Brides.com on June 28, 2016 bu Jillian Kramer

It can be tough to remember that weddings aren’t just about the couple, says Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Philadelphia-based Two Little Birds Planning. But your wedding guests matter big time, too. “While a wedding is about celebrating their love, it’s important for couples to remember that they are hosting their guests, and as good hosts, their guests’ comfort and happiness should be top-of-mind,” Fisher says.

But luckily, says Viva Max Kaley, New York-based wedding planner and creator of Viva Max Weddings, “happiness for guests can be pretty straightforward. They want to know what they’re doing, where they’re going, and what’s expected of them.” So here, according to our experts, is how to give them what they need and keep them happy as clams on your big day.

1. A comprehensive wedding website.
Everyone seems to have a wedding website these days. But the ones that stand out to guests, says Fisher, are those that include all the details about the big day. Think: the dates, times, and addresses of all wedding-related events; the hotel room block information with the hotel’s phone number, address, and a link to the booking site; transportation details if applicable; and recommendations of restaurants, shopping, and area attractions. “The unknown can be stressful,” explains Fisher, “so communicating the details to your guests will make it easier for them to book their travel, plan their weekend, and enjoy their time with you.”

2. Well-stocked welcome bags.
Says Fisher, “Nothing is nicer than getting a gift bag of goodies at hotel check in.” But even better, she says, is when that goody bag is stuffed to the brim with useful items such as snacks, water, location information, and hangover helpers. “Don’t forget to include a welcome letter reiterating the shuttle information and wedding details,” Fisher adds. “And be sure to include the venue address for those driving themselves.”

3. Seeing the happy couple.
The easiest way to make your guests very happy? Be happy yourselves, Kaley says. “People are watching you,” she explains. “They spent time and energy to celebrate your new love and this new chapter in your life. And if you’re negative, the mood of the event will feel negative.” So if you’re feeling stressed or facing a wedding day disaster, “try to take a moment to feel out a way to be with your guests in a positive and gracious way,” Kaley suggests. “If you’re smiling, appreciating, and being joyous with your friends and family, that’s what will make your guests the happiest.”

4. Clearly marked wedding signage.
Wedding signs are the way you’ll communicate the details of the day, such as shuttle departure times, what signature drink you’re serving at the bar, and which direction they’ll want to head in order to find the outdoor lounge. “Good signage is especially important if your venue is spread out or if you have activities such as a photo booth or lawn games,” says Fisher. “You worked hard to plan these details and signage will make sure your guests can find and enjoy everything.”

5. Passed drinks at cocktail hour.
Says Fisher, “Nobody likes waiting in line to get a drink — your wedding guests included.” By having servers at-the-ready to greet your guests with beer, wine, water, and even a signature cocktail, “you will eliminate a long line at the start of your reception,” says Fisher. Bonus drink tip: “Offering guests wine service with dinner lets guests sit, relax, and enjoy their meal without worrying about constant trips to the bar,” Fisher says.

6. A variety of food.
Not everyone is a meat eater, nor can everyone stomach tofu. “Be prepared for different palettes with a variety of food options for your guests,” says Fisher. “Guests will remember bad food or being hungry because there weren’t options that were appealing to them.” When you plan your menu, cover all the bases. “Have an assortment of passed hors d’oeuvres at cocktail hour, including one that features chicken, another that is fish, a steak option, and at least one vegetarian item,” Fisher says.

7. Amenities in the restrooms.
Your guests might not slip into the reception restroom just to go to the bathroom. And by offering bathroom amenities or baskets, you could be helping them out in a time of minor crisis, like a wardrobe malfunction. “It’s a wedding detail that makes guests feel well taken care of,” she explains. “The baskets should include items such as Band-Aids, for those who forgot to break in their shoes; a sewing kit and pins, for unfortunate wardrobe malfunctions; and mints, to keep everyone feeling minty fresh.”

8. Heartfelt thank you notes.
Your guests may have spent good money on your gift, and sending them a thank you card “ensures they’re confident that you received their gift,” says Kaley. “Mailing something from a registry can feel like a removed process, with guests often wondering if it ever arrived. Putting an envelope in a box at the wedding is also a bit mysterious for some guests, who wonder if you saw their gift. Writing a thank you note eases their concerns and lets them know their gift was received.”

Photo by Charlotte Jenks Lewis
Posted to Brides.com on January 8, 2016 by Jillian Kramer

When it comes to cutting wedding costs, every little bit helps. And, says Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Two Little Birds Planning in Philadelphia, “reception rentals are a good line item to try to trim.” Here’s how you can cut your overall budget by focusing on your rental costs.

1. Choose a venue that’s just the right size.
As you shop for the perfect spot to dance the night away, you may find venues that list capacities well above your personal needs. But “choosing a venue that is the appropriate size will keep your overall costs down,” explains Fisher. For example, a venue that can hold 200 people may require a minimum guest count of 150. And so a couple with just 125 guests would end up paying for 25 empty seats. “There are much better ways to spend those dollars,” Fisher says.

2. Skip a china upgrade.
It seems like every pretty wedding has uniquely patterned china that adds a little extra pizzazz. But “if your venue comes with basic white china, don’t upgrade it,” says Sarah Glick, wedding planner at Brilliant Event Planning in New York City. “Instead, opt for a charger or show plate that complements it. Chargers will really dress up your table and guests won’t even notice that the china is standard.”

3. Look for all-inclusive venues.
Finding a beautiful blank canvas can be fun, but when you have to start from scratch, your rental costs can quickly add up. “Before booking a venue, a couple should be aware of all of the items that come with it,” Fisher says. “This can include tables, chairs, linens, dishes, glassware, flatware, lighting, tenting, and a dance floor.” If you’re trying to cut costs, Fisher says, choose a venue that provides some or ideally all of these items.

4. Reuse your ceremony chairs.
If you do have to rent chairs, make sure they can do double duty by functioning as both your ceremony and reception chairs, suggests Fisher. Guests won’t notice, we promise, that they’re sitting in the same seat in both locations. And if for any reason you can’t reuse your ceremony chairs, think twice before upgrading them. “Guests will spend the least amount of time in the ceremony space,” Fisher says, “so upgrading ceremony chairs is not necessary and a good place to save.”

5. Use a wedding planner.
If you’re paying for a wedding planner, his or her fee can work for you. Why? “Most wedding planners get a discount for working with rental companies because they’re repeat customers,” explains Glick. “Using a wedding planner could save you 10 to 20 percent on your rentals.”

6. Host your ceremony and reception in the same space.
“Having the ceremony and reception in the same place is another budget-friendly tip,” says Fisher. Why? Because not only do you pay a single rental fee, but you’ll save on transportation and floral costs, too. “Flowers can pull double duty being used in the ceremony and then again as centerpieces at the reception,” Fisher suggests.

7. See if you can team up with another couple.
As you plan, check in with your venue to see if another couple is hosting their wedding the day before or after your own fete. If your venue is booked two days in a row, you may have hit the jackpot. “Often couples can split the cost of certain rentals, such as tents, dance floors, and lighting, because it’s only being delivered, set up, and broken down once,” explains Fisher.

Photo by Caroline Logan Photography
From puppies to parasols, these ideas are wayyyy more unique
Posted to Brides.com on January 1, 2017 by Jillian Kramer

When photos of Sarah Mallouk Crain’s wedding hit social media, brides everywhere went crazy for her puppy-carrying bridesmaids. She bucked tradition and made our hearts melt all in one.

“While tradition definitely has it’s place, seeing couples incorporate out of the box ideas into their wedding day is a welcome change of pace,” says Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Two Little Birds Planning in Philadelphia. “Couples want their wedding to reflect their personality, and adding fresh and unique details, such as swapping bouquets for something unexpected like puppies, is the perfect way to do that.”

Brides-to-be can follow her lead without using furry creatures — though we certainly encourage you to incorporate pets into your big day. Here are some unique alternatives your ‘maids can hold for pictures — other than a bouquet.

Pretty Parasols
Fisher suggests ditch the bridesmaids’ bouquets for pretty and practical parasols. “Not only are they a beautiful, feminine accent to an outdoor summer wedding, but parasols also offer shade against the hot sun, which means less squinting and less sweating in photos,” she says.

Winter Muffs
Hosting a winter wedding? You can keep your ‘maids cozy and warm with fur winter muffs. “They will look adorable in photos and keep your bridesmaids’ hands warm during an outdoor photo session,” says Fisher.

Pinwheels
If you’re having outdoor portraits, this one’s for you. “Pinwheels are colorful and whimsical, which make for amazing photos, and cost-effective, which is great news for your budget,” says Fisher.

Paper Flowers
Want to make a statement? According to Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events and co-founder of The Poppy Group, paper flowers are trending. And not only are they a Pinterest photo-worthy accent, “they’re something your bridesmaids can keep long after the wedding, with no wilting,” says Nichols.

Lanterns
Lanterns aren’t just for reception decoration. “They’re a romantic replacement for the traditional bridesmaid bouquet that also add a pretty glow to an evening ceremony,” says Fisher. Then, once the photos are snapped, “they can be repurposed into your cocktail and reception décor or gifted to your bridesmaids,” she says.

Fans
Much like parasols, “fans are a functional alternative to bridesmaids’ bouquets that keep your gals cool and well-accessorized at the same time,” says Fisher. Plus, “fans come in different shapes, colors and materials, so you’ll have no problem finding the right one to fit your wedding day style.”

Vintage Jewelry
If you don’t want to give your ‘maids something that will wilt, consider building arrangements from baubles that have already lasted through the years. “Talented crafters are using a wide combination of vintage jewels, often from the families own collection, to create gorgeous and collectible jeweled bouquets,” says Nichols. “They are classic and add a perfect shine to the wedding party line-up.”

Balloons
Fisher suggests having your bridesmaids hold oversized balloons “for a fun, non-floral pop of color,” she says. “Be sure to have extra balloons and helium on hand, and don’t forget check the forecast for wind.”

Finally, remember: “It’s important to make it your wedding day by incorporating details that make sense for you as a couple,” says Fisher. “Since the puppy-carrying bride, Sarah Mallouk Crain, works for a non-profit organization that rescues pups, it was only natural for her to highlight adorable rescue dogs in her photos.”

Photo by Whitney Johnson

Posted to Brides.com on November 14, 2016 by Jillian Kramer

You spent a lot of time creating the perfect, catchy hashtag to describe your happy union. And you’ll be very disappointed if no one uses it.

“Couples opt for a wedding hashtag so they can easily see all of their guests’ photos in one place, and they often spend a lot of time and creativity coming up with the perfect one,” explains Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Two Little Birds Planning in Philadelphia. “So it’s only natural for a couple to be upset if their guests don’t actually use their hashtag.”

You could (and of course should) post signs that include your hashtag and how you’d like your guests to use it. But signs might not be enough. So, here are five other ways to get your guests to actually use your hashtag.

1. Spread the word on your own social media.
Fisher suggests incorporating your hashtag into any social media posts about your wedding. After all, if you don’t use it, why would your guests? “Tweet about booking your venue, share photos from your bridal shower on Instagram, and SnapChat from your bachelorette party,” she says. “Guests will quickly catch on and start using the hashtag too.”

2. Get your wedding party to spread the word.
When you bridesmaids post sneak-peeks of them trying on their gowns, ask them to add your hashtag to their caption, says Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events and co-founder of The Poppy Group. “Your guests are likely connected to your wedding party as well, and this will help to begin laying the groundwork for getting the hashtag out to guests,” she says.

3. Make it easy to remember.
Few people will want to use a long, complicated hashtag. On the flip side, “choosing a hashtag that’s easy to remember will increase the chances of your guests actually using it,” says Fisher. “Rhymes, alliterations, and puns are all ingredients for an awesome and memorable hashtag.” We even have tips for choosing the perfect hashtag here.

4. Send it out before the big day.
Don’t spring your hashtag on guests at the wedding. Instead, “start using your hashtag before the big day by featuring it on your save the date, website, invitation, and welcome bag,” says Fisher. “Guests are more likely to remember and use your hashtag after the repeated exposure.”

5. Include it throughout the wedding.
Nichols and Fisher agree that you should go beyond signs to show off your hashtag. “The more creative, the more likely your guests will take notice,” Nichols says, while Fisher suggests printing your hashtag on everything from your menu to your table numbers to make a maximum impact.

Prepare for the barrage of questions that will inevitably come and annoy you
Posted to Brides.com by Jillian Kramer on July 13, 2016

As soon as he slips that ring on your finger, you expect a crash of commentary in the form of well-wishes. But you don’t necessarily prepare for the barrage of questions that will inevitably come and annoy you. So get ready: Here are seven super-annoying questions most brides will hear, and the best way to respond to each one.

1. Oh you’re getting married? When? I’ll put it on my calendar.
According to Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events and co-founder of The Poppy Group, almost every couple will hear get this question from unassuming friends or coworkers expecting an invitation. “But the reality is, everyone in your life cannot be invited,” Nichols says. And because of that, it’s best not to indulge the questioner with a direct answer. Instead, Nichols says, consider saying something like, “We haven’t completely finalized the plans, but we’re thinking it’s going to be an intimate affair.”

2. How big is your ring?
Call it simple curiosity or seriously green with envy. But regardless of the motive, says Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Philadelphia-based Two Little Birds Planning, you’ll like be put on the spot about the size of your rock. “Whether you know the answer or not, it’s easy to feel like you and your ring are being judged,” she commiserates. Don’t guess at the size of your diamond, or plan into a green monster’s trap. Fisher says the perfect response is simply, “I love it and think it’s the perfect size for me!”

3. Who have you invited?
“There’s always one nosy guest who wants to know exactly who’s invited and who’s RSVP’d,” promises Nichols. Why? He or she may want to know if they’ll recognize anyone at his or her table, or whether there will be other singles with whom they can mingle. It’s usually just curiosity that compels people to ask this question, but it doesn’t make it any less annoying. “Kindly appease their curiosity by saying, ‘we won’t know that information until we’ve received our final RSVPs, but thank you for asking,'” Nichols suggests.

4. Can I bring a guest, or my kids?
Beyond knowing who made your guest list, a guest or two will want to know if they can bring a plus-one, or whether you’re throwing a kid-friendly fete. “But your venue and budget only allow for a certain number of people, and you’ve planned your guest list accordingly, which is why it’s especially annoying when someone asks if they can bring a plus-one or their kids,” says Fisher. “Even though you may feel uncomfortable being put on the spot, it’s OK to say no. If you feel like you need to give an explanation, let them know that it’s due to the budget or venue capacity.”

5. Are you planning to lose weight before the big day?
Nichols says what we’re all thinking when this silly question is asked: “Assuming that just because you’re about to get married that you must start starving yourself or spending your weekends tied to a treadmill is pretty ridiculous,” she says. “Your fiance picked you.” And that means you don’t have to crash diet or give into this line of questioning in the weeks leading up to the big day. Instead, “respond politely with a simple, ‘I’m incredibly fortunate to be marrying a man who loves me just the way I am,'” Nichols suggests.

6. Can I sit with [insert name here]?
You want to make your guests happy and comfortable at your wedding. But, “while you want to do everything you can to make your guests content, planning the table assignments is hard enough without taking special requests into account,” says Fisher. But that won’t stop several guests for making seating assignment requests. “Saying that you’ll do you best to accommodate them lets them know that you’ll try, but you’re not making any promises,” Fisher advises.

7. Isn’t that expensive?
According to Nichols, “It is absolutely no one’s business how much you are spending on your wedding. But that doesn’t mean you won’t receive questions about the cost of the favors, the peonies, or the gown.” Money is usually a very private topic for most people, so this question will probably make you squirm. “Answer in a way that will stop the conversation by saying, ‘We’ve been very lucky to be able to purchase the things we’d like for the wedding day. Thank you for your concern,'” Nichols says.

Posted to Brides.com on August 14, 2016 by Jillian Kramer

You spent a lot of time planning your wedding day. So it’s only reasonable that you want to actually enjoy it — especially in the moment. But stress and worry can take precedence over enjoying the fruits of your labor, warns Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Two Little Birds Planning, if you’re not careful to stay present.

“At the end of the day, the most important part of a wedding is the celebration of your love and beginning of your life together,” she says. “Brides need to remember that when they start to get distracted and stressed. If they don’t stay present, their wedding day will go by in a flash without the bride actually experiencing or enjoying it.”

With that in mind, here are seven expert-approved tips to help you stay in the moment.

1. Break in your shoes before the big day.
If you’re used to wearing flats, your wedding could be a real pain — and we mean that literally — making it tough to think about anything other than your aching feet. But beyond breaking in your shoes, Fisher recommends making sure you’ll feel comfortable from head-to-toe at your wedding. “It will be impossible to enjoy your first dance if you can’t stop thinking about your strapless bra that’s digging into your chest or the painful blister on the back of your foot,” she warns.

2. Don’t plan to do too much the week of your wedding.
There is so much to do in the days leading up to your wedding. But rather than leave them to the last minute, Fisher recommends tackling them as early as possible so that the stress of your last-minute DIY projects doesn’t linger on your wedding day. “Make sure your programs, escort cards, welcome bags, and DIY projects are done well before the week of your wedding,” she says. “Setting the tone with a calm, restful week will put you in the right mindset to be stress-free and present on your wedding day.”

3. No matter what, you must eat.
A wedding day is a very long day indeed. And you don’t want your growling stomach to steal the show. “Start the day with a good breakfast, and take a short break before you put on your dress to nosh on some protein and light carbs or fruit,” recommends Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events and co-founder of The Poppy Group.

4. Take time to yourselves after the ceremony.
You may be surprised to hear that you’ll have very little alone time with your spouse on your big day. So be sure to take a moment after the ceremony for some QT. “Retreat to the bridal suite or another private area with your groom to bask in the newlywed bliss,” Fisher recommends. “Enjoy calling him your husband for the first time, admire your new wedding bands, and steal a few smooches. And let your planner and caterer know about your plan ahead of time so they can have champagne, water, and a sampling of your hors d’oeuvres ready for you.”

5. Hug your parents.
Your mom has been by your side from the start of your wedding planning. So, “take a special moment with your mom to thank her,” recommends Nichols. After all, no one will keep you grounded like your mom. But don’t leave your dad in the dust, either. “Some brides even choose to do a first look with their dads, where the photographer captures the moment that a dad sees his daughter in a wedding dress for the first time,” she says.

6. Leave your phone in your purse, or give it to yourmaid of honor.
We all know that phones are a daily distraction, and it will be on your wedding day, too, if you don’t put it away. “On your wedding day, you definitely don’t need something else pulling your attention away,” says Fisher. Put it in your clutch, or ask a family member or friend to carry it for emergencies only. “You’ve hired a professional photographer, so you don’t need to take photos, and anyone you’d think to call or text will be there in person,” she says. “If there was ever a time to disconnect, your wedding day is it.”

7. Hire a great team.
If you really want to relax on your wedding day, then you must trust the team you’ve put in place to execute it. “Bringing on vendors that are reliable, experienced and talented will remove so much of the worry about what’s happening behind the scenes,” Nichols explains. “Your wedding planner will be handling all of the details and logistics of the wedding day with your vendors. This will allow you to walk into the ceremony and reception knowing that everything and everyone are in their place and ready to have a good time.”

Photo by by Amy and Stuart Photography

Posted to Brides.com on August 26, 2015 by Jillian Kramer

You love your Aunt Jen, but you could do without your Uncle Bob. And while your cousin Kelly is totally cool, you have no desire to see your second-cousin pull out his spastic dance moves on your reception dance floor. So can you invite your favorite family members only to leave the rest off of your guest list?

On one hand, “there are no hard-set rules when it comes to who you invite and not invite to your wedding,” says Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Two Little Birds Planning in Philadelphia. “Family dynamics and situations are different for each person, so each case must be treated as such.”

If you’re reluctant to invite a certain relative, start with asking yourself why is that the case. “Is the situation so bad that having this relative at the wedding will make a lot of other people upset?” asks Fisher. “If so, this is one of the few cases where I’d advise a couple to keep this person off of the guest list. If it’s someone your just not on great terms with because of a small disagreement, I wouldn’t single out this particular relative. Take the high road and send them an invite. Not inviting them could make the situation worse than it already is.”

Another reason you might leave a long-lost cousin off the guest list is because you’ve grown apart. In this case, “inviting this relative might be just the thing to get the relationship back on track,” says Fisher. “It would be hurtful to exclude this one person while inviting the rest of your family members.”

Before you make any final decisions, Fisher suggests consulting with your parents and partner. “Brides should consider if not inviting a relative would do more harm in the long run,” she cautions. “If so, she should just invite them. It’s not worth the stress and possible regret later on.”

Photo by Scott Clark Photo

Posted to Brides.com on August 10, 2016 by Jillian Kramer

Of course we want you to have fun at your own wedding. But as Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events and co-founder of The Poppy Group, points out, making your wedding a fun experience for guests is a major component to pulling off a successful wedding. “There are probably 50 to 250 more people who are also choosing to spend five-plus hours with you, so it is important to keep their comfort and enjoyment in mind,” Nichols said. So here’s how to ensure that yours is the most fun wedding reception your guests will ever attend — trust us.

1. Keep your guests comfortable.
The No. 1 enemy of fun? Discomfort. Case in point: If your guests are sweating to proverbial death at your outdoor reception or getting eaten alive by mosquitos, they might not enjoy the signature cocktails or epic dessert bar you so carefully crafted. Consider what your guests will go through at your wedding, Two Little Birds Planning owner Jaclyn Fisher says, and then go from there.

For example, if you’re hosting an outdoor fête with a chance of serious heat on the side, consider greeting your guests with cold lemonade or tea. Conversely, winter wedding guests would love a cup of hot cider or cocoa when they arrive, she says. “A basket of flip flops near the dance floor is a much appreciated gift for your guests’ tired, dancing feet,” she adds. “And be ready with amenities in the restrooms full of items that your guests might need including mints, safety pins, and a sewing kit. These little extras will make your guests feel well taken care of.”

2. Keep the party moving.
Almost as important as keeping the party going is keeping it moving in the right direction, Nichols says. “Sitting around and waiting is a buzz kill,” she warns. “So work with your planner to ensure things happen at the right pace. Cocktails should be no more than one hour. And guests shouldn’t wait more than 20 to 30 minutes between courses. Guests notice when things drag, and ultimately they want to get on the dance floor.”

3. Get your guests on the dance floor ASAP.
According to Fisher, “The key to a super fun reception is a lot of dancing, but waiting until the end of the night to get your guests on the dance floor could be a mistake.” Rather, she says, open up the dance floor the second you finish your first dance. “The focus is already on the dance floor and guests will be excited to join the couple for a few songs,” she explains.

4. Add in some unexpected entertainment.
Guests come to your wedding expecting to eat and dance. What they don’t expect? A salsa performance or palm reader, says Fisher. “Lawn games such as oversized jenga, giant chess or checkers, bocce ball, and corn hole are a great way for guests to have some good old-fashioned fun,” she adds. “Or a tasting station with beer, wine, and your favorite spirit, complete with an expert, offers a unique interactive experience.”

5. Make sure there is enough food.
According to Nichols, “A fed guest is a happy guest!” That means making sure there is ample food for every guest to have his or her fill. “There’s nothing worse than arriving to a reception where the hors d’ oeuvres have already been wiped out by other guests,” Nichols says. Plus, she adds, you’ll want to talk to your caterer to make “sure that the flow of the food service will be efficient and timely so that guests will have more than enough to meet their needs.”

6. Offer a late-night snack.
Your guests may have the nibbles after an intense workout on the dance floor. If you feed them a snack in the wee hours of your wedding, Fisher says, they’ll be forever grateful. “Treat guests to some of your local favorites with a late-night food station guaranteed to give everyone the extra energy needed to keep the party going,” the Philadelphia-based planner suggests, adding that, “Philly soft pretzels, Philly cheesesteaks, and Federal Donuts are among the favorites of my Philadelphia couples.”

Photo by Ryan Phillips Photography

Posted to Brides.com on May 3, 2016 by Jillian Kramer

We’ve all been to that wedding: The one where the processional seemingly lasted longer than the ceremony itself because the bridal party was just so darn big. But if your list of close friends tops into the teens, you may be facing a similar bridesmaids situation, unless you’re willing to make a few (or 10) tough cuts.

Who should you cut from your bridal party? And who should make the cut? That’s not always a clear cut answer, says Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., psychologist, friendship expert, and creator of The Friendship Blog, who points out you’ll be making these tough decisions during a time when you may already feel frenzied and downright overwhelmed. But it can be done, and we’re here to help you make the best calls you can.

First, says Jaclyn Fisher, owner of Two Little Birds Planning in Philadelphia, it’s time to crunch numbers. “While there are no set rules when it comes to choosing the number of attendants in your wedding party, the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen is typically proportionate to the size of your wedding,” she explains, adding that large, formal weddings more often have bigger bridal parties, while couples hosting smaller, more intimate fetes often have just a few gals and guys by their sides.

Figure out the number that works for you and your wedding and commit to sticking to it. But with that number in mind, it’s time for the tough(er) work. You love all your friends, of course, but you should pick the bridesmaids who will most behoove your big day, Levine says.

“Choose bridesmaids with whom communication is easy as opposed to people who will be combative or passive-aggressive,” she suggests. “And consider whether [each potential bridesmaid] is reliable, dependable and supportive,” she says, before you invite anyone to join the party. Anyone who doesn’t hold these important qualities, she says, shouldn’t make the cut.

Beyond that, Levine says, “the bride should think about whether she’ll one day look back at her wedding photography and barely remember the women surrounding her. Are these people to whom she feels close and connected as kindred spirits or are these people to whom she is tied merely because of situational circumstances?”

Of course, there are some women who should never be excluded, no matter how close you may be: Your sisters. Warns Fisher, “Unless there are extreme circumstances, sisters should be asked to be bridesmaids, including your future sister-in-law. Not asking them will likely cause family drama and put a strain on family relationships for years to come.” And no one wants that.

If you’re still struggling to make a cut, be practical. “Make sure your expectations are realistic,” Fisher says. “For example, if you want your bridesmaids to be super involved in the planning, from dress shopping to stamping invitations, you’ll want to consider geographically close pals who have the time to devote to your planning.”

And remember, just because a friend doesn’t make the bridesmaid cut doesn’t mean she can’t still participate in your wedding day. “You can express how important that person has been in her life and how difficult it was to make a short list but she was constrained by cost, numbers, whatever,” Levine says. “Then, you might find some other special role that the person can play at the wedding and go out of your way to seat the person somewhere where she feels special and comfortable.”